Music. Music. Music.
Music is the one constant in my life; it is the one true thing that continuously brightens up my life and keeps me sane.
For as long as I can remember, music has always been my everything and it has always gotten me through the worst of times, more so lately than any other period of my 25-year-old life.
Over the course of the past three and a half months, my strength has been tried and tested like never before and it’s really mainly because of music that I have not had a breakdown.
Everything from falling out with family members to being told by the man that my heart aches for that he’s seeing someone to my car’s engine blowing out, resulting in me having to take Ubers and Lyfts to and from work every single day for two months to financial woes to whatever, I’ve gone through since mid-July.
With all of the negative energy I had polluting my life, I kind of lost my motivation to do anything. For three months, all I did was keep myself busy with work. I took on as many hours as I possibly could, (and with my job being as understaffed as it is and me being an supervisor who’s on-call 24/7, that wasn’t a problem). While I was working all of these hours to put up money for a new car, I was also doing it so that I could keep my mind off of everything that made me feel down.
In addition to working crazy, long hours, another way I tried to keep my mind off of things was by eating. Eating was really all I ever thought about. Although I would bring lunch to work, the thought that always consumed my mind was, “Man, I can’t wait to go home and eat.” I ate at times when I seriously wasn’t even hungry; I just wanted to eat as much as I could. I remember making a big pot of broccoli Alfredo one day and eating all of it by myself.
Whenever I wasn’t working or stuffing my face, I slept. Don’t have to deal with any bs while you’re sleeping, right? Well, when you literally have dreams about situations you’re trying to escape while awake, sleeping isn’t so fun.
With this depressive-like behavior that had kicked in, music helped me keep my head above water, even when I wanted to throw in the towel. And I did throw in the towel a few times, too. Not in a sense of giving up, but in a sense of telling myself that it was okay for me to not be strong sometimes, it was okay for me to allow myself to have moments of weakness just as long as I didn’t allow those moments to keep me down.
I’m so grateful for music that it makes me cry sometimes. I can recall driving home from work one Wednesday night in July; I had worked a double-shift and I was just so emotionally exhausted and I felt the tears threatening to escape. Blinking them back, I turned my music up even louder than it already was, sang/rapped along and began laughing out of nowhere, telling myself, “Man, I don’t know what I would do without music.” Surprisingly, I don’t even remember what song had been playing, but boy did it have me feeling better by the time I finally made it home.
I will forever express my gratitude for music because it’s the one thing I have when no one else is there. It makes me happier when I’m happy, happy when I’m sad, it makes me laugh, it makes me cry.
Music is my teacher. It helps me grow, it helps me see things for what they are and for what they are not. When no one else can understand where I’m coming from and/or doesn’t even care to try to, I have a song for any and every single mood to lift me up when I need it.
I cannot imagine how I would even attempt to gravitate my way through life without music and I wouldn’t want to either. Music is what the majority of people I know identify me with. My love for music will always be a very crucial part of my existence and there would just be no me without it.
So, I say thank you.